I thought when you leave a feeling aside, don’t touch it, don’t do anything to it, not even trying to suppress it, just simply make it go with the flow then soon or later it becomes cold and colder, I might be free from those hassles.
I wish that I could tell you how much it hurts when every time i get near you, same as much much happy and delightful when I talk to you. I tried to be cold to you, tried to be ruthless, tried to produce nonstop whining, excuse with lot of reasons and harsh feeling, just to make me hate you more and more. But seems it’s quite hopeless, the more I tried, the dearer you could feel when your presence is there. Just thinking about you make me happy but hurtful at the same time. I wouldn’t say we could become a couple or something, coz it’s far from being possible since you are not the same as me.
The only way to cure my frustration and fill my salvation for you are gazing at you, trying to take care of you. For every single thing you thanked me even those were just politeness, I’m more than happy to hear.
Dear, those feelings I don’t want you to know though I desperately want you to know. Quite to be contradictory, isn’t it. I think you might have known it but quite uncertain. Let it be that way and i’m trying to make uncertainty to be the same. For when those uncertainties are finally uncovered that is when all the hates, doubt and ugly feeling of you would get toward be. Let it be that way, let it be that way… It’s much better to be slightly cute day and day then agonizing finishing slash to my heart. GONNA KEEP IT THAT WAY…
Anyway, rest well, dear. You need to get better when the semester begins.
This morning the way you curved yourself in the blanket because of the cold just make my worry so much but hopelessly, I couldn’t do anything else except arrange the blanket for you. Couldn’t say: “rest well” or “i’m worried about you”. Therefore, simply get better and I’m more than happy to see that.
